Can you read the preface of my story? Is it good?

This is my story so far. Is it good? Also answer the other questions I have about it posted below. THanks?
Please read link below, THis is just the preface of my story:

Now after you have read, Can you tell me?:

-Does it sound too much like…

I found the preface interesting and it definintely pulled me in to the point where I wanted to finish reading it. You’ve got a lovely grasp on using imagery to really make sentences pop.

I don’t think it sounds too much like Twilight- not at all (Of course, it’s *good*, so by virtue that means it’s not like Twilight 😉 ).

As for con-crit… I commented on the imagery, but I think it’s important to remember that using *too much* is just adding lots of uneccesary words where one or two will do. It’s a matter of toeing the line between “decriptive” and “purple prose.”

Technical issue: Only three or four ellipses should be used at one time (you know; the “…”). It seems like you used more than that a few times.

All in all, I’d say that the only thing that would turn me off reading more is the extensive amount of descriptive words. There are moments it works wonderfully (“Light danced through every corner of the grass enclosure”, for example), and others when it seems a bit much (“I fluffed my flaxen ringlets” would probably work better as something along the lines of, “I speared a hand through the tangles that made up my blonde/gold/pale/whatever-adjective hair”).

There was also a small type where the word “particular” was misspelled. I can’t find it now, but you might want to correct it.

This is a very good start, overall, and I hope you continue writing! 🙂

I didn’t think that it was like Twilight just from reading the preface. I definitely think you should finish it because you DO have potential as a writer. I thought that it was very good but I was sad when I hit the “next” button and nothing was there 🙂 I would love to read the rest. The “P.S.” part of your question sucked me in even more too. I liked that Everette and Evangeline don’t want to be together. That is very different and has me curious and wanting to find out more. I think that if they were some how connected (I dont know what your ideas for them are) and literally could not get away from one another and drove each other insane it’d be interesting too. 🙂 I think that this is going to be a great story!

It’s good, definately hooked me in as a reader.
Was the whole scene in her unconsciousness or was any part of it real?

Can I just say, all books have similar factors, as long as it’s your own ideas and not completely someone elses it’s fine.

Answer mine?…

confident, you have a funky form, and the plot might desire to be exciting. yet you go with punctuation, I have been given at a loss for words, Use those “”. And placed the strategies in italics, it quite is powerful, save writing. you quite use good descriptive words to create bright photographs.

from what i read it was good. now this is not really what i read but it was good. i think you should keep writing it. maybe.

read mine please called One Summer At A Time Chapters 1 & 2
if you haven’t;…


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