Question about arranged marriages?

I know we have to respect our mother and father in Islam. I also know that arranged marriages are not Islamic, so my question is, would it be haram to go against the parents if they tried to force you into an arranged marriage? For example, talk to them and tell them how much you don’t want an arranged…

Assalamu Alaikum,

I have read the following ahadith written by other Muslims more than once on a discussion forum Now it is closed. I was member of that forum for three years.

I read that Prophet called it Haram like Zina if a single woman (never married before) gets married without the permission of her Wali (parent or guardian) by running away. It is not valid marriage in Islam.

I belive this rule is for the protection of girls. It is often seen that such girls end up in serious problems. Many sharp
young boys trap girls in love, make them run away with them and then sell them into whore houses. It happens in Pakistan and India.
Parents do thorough search on the proposal of unknown person to make sure about his past, his parent, his education, his employment, moral character and his personality whether compatible to their daughter or not and then they make the decision for the best interest of their daughter. Girl in love can not do all that and may get trapped by a bad guy who knows how to present himself like a very nice and loving person.

1. Islam doesn’t allow parents or guardians to force a daughter or girl under their guardianship to marry with some one whom she doesn’t want to marry.
2. If parents refuse to marry their daughter for unIslamic reasons like they don’t like the family of man who proposes because he is poor or his family cast is not acceptable to them even though he is a good Muslim, educated and have a halal source of income. In this case girl can appeal to a Qazi, a Judge of Court, a city Political leader about the
unIslamic stand of her parents, then Judge will make sure himself that the young man is good for her, then he will summon her parents to appear in court and explain their reasons. When Judge finds their reason of refusal to girl is Un-Islamic, he will first order her parents to marry off the girl with the man she wants. If they refuse, then Judge will become her Wali and marry her off Himself.

Islam has made rules to make sure that no injustice is done to any girl or a boy by parents or by the guy who makes her run away and then misuses her and ruins her life.

If a girl is brave enough and warns her parents that I shall refuse to marry to guy on the day Moulana will ask me whether I accept the guy. Her father will not dare to marry her off to the one she doesn’t want.

My father engaged me with a girl even after my refusal. I was only 16. I cried with tears but he didn’t care. He thought he will force me to marry the same girl. I said to my mother what Abba will do when I will say to Maulana, I don’t accept this girl as my wife. I am being forced to marry her against my will in presence of 500 relatives on wedding day.

I left home and moved to a bigger city after completing my High School final exam and wrote my Mom letter, I will never return home, unless my engagement is broken. They kept the engagement for one year. I worked fulltime and attended college in evening. They could never find me where I was for one year. It happened in 1960. After that girl was married to some one else, I wrote where I was.

I would never advise a girl to do what I did. This world is very cruel to girls. They should fight against pressure but stay home. Ultimately parents will give up. Their job is to search the best mate for their sons and daughters and then advise them which one are best for them but should never force their choice upon them. That is not allowed in Islam.

May Allah guide us to the right path of Islam.

Running away is not an option. I think the best way is to stand up because its your right to marry of your own free will and anyone who forces a girl to marry anyone against her will is committing a sin and whats worse oppression. So the point is to keep the conversation going and make it clear you will not accept such a situation. Tell them you want their help, their advice etc, but that the ultimate decision is yours and yours only. Tell them you will never be happy with such an arrangement and they will be the cause if they insist. I think you have to use some emotional blackmail because sometimes that is the only thing that works. By the way I am invited to a Libyan wedding next month inshallah, are there any specific customs etc? Take care dear

Well, running away won’t solve anything. But it’s a fact that parents can not force their daughter into a marriage she doesn’t want to go into.

The best thing is probably to tell the parents that it’s Allah’s orders NOT to force a girl into a marriage of her dislike or else the marriage itself will be considered haram. The parents would have to listen at one point…

Best if Istikhara is done, because Allah says:

“…and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” (Surah Baqarah: 216)

Arranged marriage allows you to comment,love marriage doesn’t.

salam arranged marriages are not haram as how else will a girl find a husband but what is harram is being forced into marriage. i am only 17 and i got loads of proposals alot i dont know about but i am to young to get married. and my dad wants be to marry his cousin my second cousin, but ike i said its all my choice i cant do anything and the guy wont marry be if he knows im not happy with it. so your parents cant force you to marry some one you dont like. and by the way it is bad for you to run away. it will cause your parents unnessecary grief and where will you go and who will support you?make istikharrah and pray to allah to guide you to the right path.…

you can’t run away, no

pray to Allah, and He’ll help you out.

know that sometimes we just have to be humble and disciplined enough to be patient and wait to see how the whole story unfolds before we panick and disgrace ourselves.

your parents cared for you, they loved you and gave you that which you’ll never be able to repay. b grateful to them, and know that they will never ask you to do something they believe will destroy you. this doesn’t mean you have to marry someone you don’t like just coz they say so. that is completely haram.

that said, arranged marriages are not haram, but they must not be forced. talk to your parents calmly and explain your stand to them politely. they won’t force you. if they are planning to do that, then ask Allah to save you. truly, He doesn’t like injustice and oppression.

may Allah guide you and protect you.

Allah Teala knows the best for us…generally, arranged marriages are happy marriages…also, in an arranged marriage, you can’t be forced to marry someone you don’t like…why don’t you want an arranged marriage? and why would you run away?…If you see someone and if you want to marry that person, you can tell your parents and they think about it…however, you cannot date with that person…


It is not haraam for you to go against your parents choice in this matter as it is not Islamic to force anyone to marry someone against their will.
I know that your parents will be thinking of the best person who will give you a happy and secure future but a lot of marriages that are arranged these days dont work out because the 2 people are just so different.
I strongly suggest talking to your parents and make them understand how u are feeling and if u are ready for marraige then ask them to look out for other guys because u just dont feel that this person will make u happy.
Am sure they will understand but please do not run away etc, as this will look bad on u and give your parents a lot of grief and the community will look on u all with shame, u know its like.
I wish you all the best in your future whatever your decision is and Inshallah u will find someone who will make u truely happy and who will look after you.
Take care

Islamically, no one can force you to marry anyone. It is wrong of them to try to force you.

You do need to talk to them. Tell them that it is haram for them to make you marry someone that you don’t want to. Don’t run away! Just DON’T agree to marry some one that you don’t want to marry.

In Islam, a woman’s agreement is essential in marriage… without such agreement there is no marriage. Period.

asaalaamu-alaikum,arrange marriages are not haraam sister, who knows better who is more fitting for us than our family. what is harram hower is forcing someone to marry. i believe it is in al-nisa that tells you this as well, not sure but try having your parents arrange more sitdowns until you find someone you like. marriae is a gift and a bleessing and also a protection for women. so do you want to date,b/c that is surely harram, stick to the sunnah and not try and be like the non muslims,see how many problems dating can cause.tell your parents that it is not from the sunnah to force a girl to marry against her will.we must obey Allah first.

I think you’re talking about ‘forced marriages’ arranged marriages are completely different from forced marriages…arranged marriages is usually consent from both spouses.
Whereas “forced” marriages, usually stemming from cultural practice, are forbidden. So under Islamic law a woman cannot be married without her consent. She has final approval on a marriage partner and she can repudiate a marriage arranged without her consent.

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