What do you think? (by a very young writer)?


First of all, my story is copywritted and is on the list for publication as soon as it is complete and editied. The novel is called “As it Should Be” This is part of the story I am writing. It is the beginning of the first chapter. Please do not be too hard on me because I love the concept of my story,…

Are you John Grisham? Stephen King? Barbara Kingsolver? Unless you are, your unfinished story is not slated for publication anywhere.

Goodness! Copywritted? Generally, by the time someone is copywriting her work, she knows how to spell.

Yours is not a “story.” It is a list of facts with the occasional attempt to spice it up with a hackneyed literary device. It is also a first draft that’s not been run through spell check or grammar check.

It always annoys me when people post things here, ask readers to “tell me what you think,” and then plead for mercy (don’t be too hard on me! I’m only 10 or 12 or 13 OR It’s a first draft OR I don’t know what I’m doing). There’s always some excuse.

I find that most people come here for unbridled praise from readers who have no clue what they’re talking about. No one posts here for honest criticism or helpful input.

You’ve got a long, long way to go. Just claiming to be a “writer” and claiming to have an unwritten story accepted for publication does not a writer make.

It’s totally obnoxious. As a young writer, when I need a name for a story, I think of random names and pick out ones I like. Then I pick a last name and make the two fit. When people ask these questions, I tell them to randomly pick out a name from a hat or something. When parents name their child, they don’t know what the child is going to be like when the story takes place. They are naming the child with a name that sounds perfect to them. I think I can see name a child for their eyes or features when they are a baby because in most cases, those features stay the same. But yes, it definitely annoys me when they give the looks, personality and even the thought of them being inhuman (as so many people are doing today) and asking, what’s a name that fits this person exactly? Well, there is no answer.

A few grammatical and spelling errors, but the content of the story is good. Not bad for a twelve year old who probably hasn’t learned quite all there is to the English language. One error that stands out (pardon the colloquialism) like a sore thumb is the word recieve which I purposely misspelled as did you to remind you of one of the cardinal rules in English spelling. The rule is i before e except after c. I can understand the difficulties in transposing your understanding of your own language to understanding ours. Keep up the good work because what you’ve done so far does have the one major quality of all good literature. The words flow and ebb like the tides and you are the moon that affects them.

Is this really going to be published? I highly doubt any publishing company would accept a story just because of the idea. The way the story is written is the most important part. Now, if you are just getting it published by a local newspaper/magazine, then it’ll be perfectly fine.
Another thing that I should warn you about: try not to speak to your audience. Other than that, since that was only a short excerpt, I cannot comment further.

You have put in all of the criteria of a good book or novel and it is fantastic.
I hope everything you have written here will have significant bearing later on in your book.
Descriptions you have laid out helps the reader envision the surroundings, very nice.
It makes me feel as though you are living a life of duplicity story wise.
Good luck !!

I like it but, the limousine part kind of struck me as weird. I mean, it isn’t very realistic. Why would she be in high school? It rushes really quick. I stopped reading when you said her aunts house. She was there already?! I think you should be a little bit more descriptive. I love it though!!!!

Your a really good writer I only have two suggestions:
*The first sentence of your last paragraph doesn’t so there, I would put it somewhere in the end of the first paragraph.
*Why doesn’t the girl live with one of her parents, most kids live with there mom. But you probably explain that later on in the book.

Wow.
That was good.

And long.. (582 words) But that is alright.
Congrats with the publishing thing.

Kayla,

it’s readable, but it possesses a kind of awkwardness, i think you’ve used too many adjectives. yes, they do help the story, but not when they are thrown in between every 3 words. but overall, you are working towards it. keep it up.

Ooh I like it. ^.^ Congrats on getting published soon.

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