Ok here is the story me and my fiancé (currently ex as of a couple days ago) have been together for almost two years she broke up with me a day before our two year anniversary. We met online, I lived in California at the time cause of my job and she live in a different state. We talked so much online and on the…
I’m sincerely considering that your girl believes she is somewhat of a mother figure to these two kids. She loves them and as so, you can never compete against a mother’s love. You must accept this, or not, and move on. Can you find a compromise? Perhaps, but it will mostly on your part. Make a list of the pros and cons of this relationship…which side is longer? And don’t think sex is the only answer. What else do you have in common with this girl? You need ethics, morals, hobbies and communication for a long term relationship. I know, I’ve been handfasted to the same woman for 28 years. Do you love kids? Can you? I have tried to put myself in your shoes….for I do not like kids and if my belovedness had children I can almost guarantee you we would not still be together. It is a hard choice you have to make…but do do and do not “kid” yourself, be honest with your feelings…for you, her and the kids. Just my thoughts.
I guess you have to look at this situation as if it were a hetero relationship….
Guy has been married, had kids with his wife, and then they broke up. Next thing, he is involved with a new woman, but he still wants to have contact with his children.
If the new woman starts saying he can’t have anything to do with his kids or his ex (and when there are kids involved, the ex will ALWAYS be in the picture to some extent), then he is going to pull away from the new woman, and probably dump her if she carries on.
That is what will happen to you if you don’t loosen up a little. I know they are not biologically your gf’s kids, but she feels they are like her own. You need to be more understanding of this – though nobody says you have to LIKE the ex!!! 🙂
OK So I see that you have many answers here I just thought i would put my 2 cents in here. I am a lesbian and I have many straight male and female friends. If I ask advice its because I want it. Just because i am with a woman does NOT mean I hate men. I have 3 boys. I was in a bad relationship with a man for 8 years. My sexuality doesn’t change who I am and what I want out of life it Just means I am in love with a woman. I sleep with a woman but that doesn’t change me as a human being. Domestic violence is wrong no matter who does the hitting! Tell them that. It doesn’t matter why they resort to physical or emotional violence. What matters is that it needs to stop. You have perspective if you are their friend. You don’t have to put your self in their shoes you have to think like a human! How hard is that? I know that for some people its hard to understand same sex relationships but its basically the same as what most people call a “normal relationship” They love each other, they take care of each other. I have only been with one woman and I love her. We have been together almost a year. The only thing different in our relationship from my past relationships is the sex is done differently. But the over all is the same.Love is Love. it doesn’t matter with who as long as both partys involved are happy, with who they are and with how the world looks at them. I have lost many friends because I have supposedly changed. I didn’t change as a person I changed who I was sleeping with. You just be the friend to her that you want her to be to you. Give her advice be her shoulder when she needs it. Be yourself don’t be scared because you think shes different. Shes the same as anyone else in a bad relationship.
I concurr with goingcrazy….
I have a friend who has 4 kids, the oldest lives in georgia with his exwife, and the the other 3 live with him and his wife….Their family is supersweet, and my friend actually only married his ex bc he was military and she needed the benefits since she was pregnant….
He had to move to the other side of the country to get away from her, even though that meant moving away from his son too..
HIs ex is still disgustingly in love with him and does everything in her power to make their lives a living hell, and his wife has to deal with all his ex’s bullshit. That is the price she is willing to pay for their life, love, and kids. He only sees his son for one month out of the year, but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to look out for yourself and new family…
This saqme friend happens to be the father of my goddaughter, whom i lived with for the first 2 years of her life. I couldnt love my own kids any more than I love that girl, but we both moved away and I just saw her last weekend for the first time in 11 months. it’s hard but, she lived without me, and I lived without her, even though I miss her all the time, it’s doable