My husband is in the military and while he was on his long tour he met a girl and had a brief affair. The girl is now pregnant and due at the end of August. She is also military. My husband and I are going to stay married and attempt to pull through this situation together. She is constantly calling our home, where…
They can both be court marshaled(jailed) for having an affair. She has about as much to lose as he does. I would tell her firmly to stop contacting you if she doesn’t contact a lawyer and get a order of protection. Also get a paternity test when the baby is born if not before by an amniocentesis.If the baby is his he will have to pay child support regardless if he can afford it or not. So if you are prepared to stand by your man be aware of this and 500 is not out of the question but the family court will decide the amount.
Good Luck and I hope it all works out for the best for everyone involved.
Once Paternity has been established, the courts will assign an amount of child support for the new baby with regard taken to the other children he has to take care of. The judge will decide how much. Demand that your husband get a grip on this situation and stop letting it control your lives. If your understanding enough to forgive him he should at least keep this women from worrying the hell outta you. Nothing can or should be needed by this women until you all have official documentation that the kid is his. Why is she calling? He’s not doing what he should be doing. She can’t prove he ****** her so who cares who she tells that too. I hope he’s not using that as a reason he needs to pacify her. That’s not a problem at this time. He doesn’t have a reason to be talking to her..
Let her attorney contact him through the mail for a paternity test and then go to court, let the judge tell you how much and that’s that. If she wants to let him have visitation she will but the judge will document visitation rights. How often, & when the child is to return and what time. Don’t worry. Let the courts handle this. and tell your husband he can’t have his cake and eat it too. Tell that girl stop calling and change your number.
I give you a lot of credit for standing by your husband. I know I couldn’t do it. It doesn’t matter how long his tour of duty was because he’s married to you and should have been faithful. You don’t even know if he’s been with anyone else. I feel that once a cheater always a cheater. If my husband did that to me I don’t think that I could ever trust him again. Hopefully this wacko doesn’t know your home address. I would change your phone number and make sure that it is unlisted. I think you should go to court and set up child support. Yes, your husband made a huge mistake but now he has to stand up to what he did by paying child support. I hope that the baby grows up okay. I hope the mom will be stable for her child. I really do wish you the best and I hope that everything works out for you and for your marriage. You may even want to try marriage counseling if you feel that you need it. Don’t let this woman blackmail you. You can probably also get a restraining order keeping her from contacting you in any way.
I feel for you deeply in this situation. I’ve been in similar except my husband wasn’t deployed anywhere. He got another woman pregnant while we were kind of off n’ on again with our marriage, and he justifys the pregnancy by saying “we weren’t REALLY together but separated”..lol Long story short we’re divorced. I couldn’t accept the child although she didn’t ask to be here. I got over it shortly after I had first even heard of the pregnancy. This was the nail on the coffin for me it helped me make my choice in finalizing our divorce. Your husband made a mistake and unfortunately you and your family are going to be affected by this for the next 18+ years. I commend you for sticking by him through this. I personally could not. That’s every wifes worse nightmare to find out not only has their husband been intimate with another woman but have now created a child. If you feel you can be supportive and stand by your husband then do so. Just remember before things get better, they’ll get worse. This woman unfortunately is now a part of your husbands life, your husband is a part of YOUR life, so now this whole situation will affect you as well. How are you going to feel if your husband wants to have visitation with this new baby? How will you feel about this child staying at your house? How is the OTHER woman going to feel about all of this. And she’s going to be dipping into your $$$$, taking from you and YOUR kids??? I’d be kicking my husbands a.s.s. best believe that! You’ve got a lot to work out in a short period of time before this baby is here.
I do wish you the best of luck with this.
your husband has to pay whatever the court decides he can afford. He has made his bed and now he can lie in it. I guess you have to stay with him for the children’s sake but I don’t really think you should. The reason you know about this situation is because the girl is pregnant and calling you, otherwise he certainly wouldn’t have told you. I wouldn’t put it past him to do it again, frankly. But if you’re determined to stay with him, I would not field calls from her, just deal w/ her through the courts and don’t jerk her around on the child support.
It is nice that you are understanding of the situation IF this is a 1 time thing. However, her calling the home should not be tolerated. Get an attorney and all correspondence should go through them. Unfortunately, your entire family may have to pay the price of his mistake by tightening your budget – because he is responsible for the welfare of the baby. I would seek marriage counseling and depending on the ages of your children – they may need it as well.
I think this one is best settled by the courts.
If I where you, I would have a little contact with her as possible. Only your husband should deal with this. I know that sounds bad since he’s your husband, but it’s not your kid; It’s theirs.
The courts will decide on how much he’ll have to pay out or figure out some kind of custody arrangement.
Sorry you got stuck in the middle of all this. I hope things will work out for you.
First of all, I am very sorry your whole family is going through this trauma… Secondly, you have my admiration for your commitment and love to your husband in a way is so rare to see in today s self-centered society… we all know that the right things in life are the hardest to achieve… and well you are a brave, honest, caring , with an admirable self-confidence to have made the choices that you made, fogiving others for such painful choices is a divine gift you carry well…
Now ansewring your question, sadly all you can do at this moment is support your husband in dealing with his mistake… Who has to do something here is definetly him, and what I think he should do is honor all the beautiful feelings and attitude you have carried to save your family and prohibit this girl from contacting both of you, if she persist take legal actions against her… ( You can even file for harassment here this is emotional abuse and treats)… He should NEVER give her a single penny until the paternety test results are done and the court orders child support ( Which she would have no say so on that it will be solely based on his capability of payments and the basic need expense of the child); worse than making a mistake is to continue on making the same mistake… you both have to cut your losses from the rooth and let her deal with the consequences of her poor decision making too… You should not ever have to deal with her calls, treats, demands etc… it is crazy to do so and only harming further your family… Dont ever get intimidated by any of her threats or by other people judgement… You have choosen to save your family as a warrior, you already won this battle, dont ever be afraid of what she might or might not do that is pure stupid manipulation since she knows of your emotional schock and sensitive state… If was not for cases like this we would not have such a wide range of family court assistance and services… Please have a serious talk with your husband and demand from him to be by your side strongly as you have commited to this, she is out of the picture, he needs to put that into affect immediately… In reference to this new baby, he will always have a father ( his mother has nothing to do with that relationship and must be kept away) there are many children of single mother around that do very well, I am a pure example of it… don t feel so bad, you are the only victim in this whole story… take care of yourself, talk seriously with your husband by setting rules for this new life long relationship he would have with his out of the marriage child and most importantly putting into affect the right thing to be done about the other one… no one has to deal with her at all not even for an emergency for NOTHING at all other than through the courts when that day comes…
Best of luck to you… God bless you …
My first fear is the marriage is going to be in tremendous strain for many years, and next the unborn child , the mother, why shouldn’t she call she is pregnant with ur hb child, and why shouldn’t that child have the same things that ur children does. Its commendable that u stand by his side, but u have made a choice to stay and that choice involves more than u and ur children,no matter what he says put your self in her position. I wish u the best and I pray u have the strength you say u do.
yikes!…what an awful situatio yer scumbag of a husband put u in!…if i were u i’d leave him and let him deal with the consequences by himself!…but ur not me so in this case yes u must go to court and then the judge will decided how much she will get in child support.
-Good Luck u poor thing!