My daughter is 15- for about 2 yrs or so, she has been repeatedly grounded for laziness concerning grades, but more importantly, inappropriate interaction with boys (“sexting”)
I have talked to her, of course, at length concerning her sense of self-respect, & why this is unhealthy/unacceptable etc-
Take her phone away, or give her a cell phone without a camera. They do exist still. Keep an eye on her after school and any other time that she is around.
Also, why are you grounding her for having poor grades? It doesn’t work. It has never worked. It never will work. It teaches her nothing. And clearly that is the case, if you have to keep grounding her repeatedly, as you said.
EDIT: Don’t ask a question on the internet if you don’t like the answers we give you. I didn’t assume you don’t know anything about your kid, and the fact that you said you were “grounding her repeatedly” implied to me that her grades were still poor. What else did you want people to tell you? As I said: if it were me, there would be no phone (not even if there’s good behavior), or a phone with no camera. Obviously you’ve explained to her the dangers of her behavior but sometimes you can’t force something to click with a person. As for her doing this on a friends’ phone, if it were me, she wouldn’t be allowed out with those friends. I would be going to the school and making them aware of the situation and that you’re having trouble taking care of it.
Again, you asked a question on the internet, these are your answers.
You say that “my good advice & discipline stops her only temporarily”. When she was a toddler, did you only have to tell her things once and she never did them again? It may be tiring but obviously, you need to remind her over and over and over again at this point.
You are doing your best. You are concerned, involved, and caring. You are looking into getting her therapy to help her deal with the early loss of her father and how this might be impacting her behavior today. There is no magic potion to get a person to do the right thing. That motivation must come from within. You can only guide her on her way. You cannot live her life for her.
Keep doing what you have been doing because obviously it’s been having an impact, even though it’s only “temporary”. I have a teen myself and often feel like I might as well be running against a brick wall when I try to talk to her about some things. I still keep talking to her about them, though…
In my experience life will just keep doing it usually, it makes her feel good even if not for the right reasons…I’ve seen therapy help but only if they realize there is a problem after they start. It’s important to find a therapist who will actually interact and give her feedback many just listen which often is not helpful. When I was a teen o did the sane things and embarrassment it punishment never helped, it took me learning from my own mistakes
I agree with brea iam a teen as well 18 and when I was your daugthers age I was doing more then sexting lol but u punishing by locking her up in her room and taking her is just going to make her worst she”s going to start sneaking out on u at this age her hormones are going crazy and she can want some man tension in her life cause of the lost I say just educate her about std and pregnancy and let her know that your there for her and sex doesnt have to be her subsitute
I know you asked for the advice of a parent but I think you’d be better off asking a teen. I’m 19 and I deal with people my own age with the same issues.
Don’t ever blame yourself or the death of her father for her actions. When we reach our teen years we know right from wrong and are able to make our own choices. You have done nothing wrong. This generation is broken, consumed by sex, drugs, and an insane sense of entitlement(I’ve experienced this myself).
If you want to see change, grounding doesn’t always work. My parents could spank me, ground me, whatever they chose to do, but when they TOOK my phone, I had no chance to communicate with the same bad influences.
Also, I noticed that even though I didnt want anything to do with my parents, I did subconsciously want their attention and approval. Spending time with them and their efforts to take interest in my life without inputing negative comments or judgmental opinions on my hobbies and dreams, helped us to how closer.
Whether you like it or not, the reality is that when she leaves for school she can pretty much get away with anything and when you give her a phone to “sext” with, she will do so. You’re in charge. Print out that phone bill and have her read her texts to you, I bet her language will change pretty quickly. Just speaking from experience with my family.
From my experience as a teen, your daughter will stop when SHE decides she shou,don’t be doing. Teens can be quite stubborn, so it make take some learning from hers.ef before the message really sinks in. Shes not going to make a change unless she wants to.
This is a hard question since I have several teens and what works for one may not work for another because of their different personalities. It may help to show proof of kids who have been charged with a crime for sexting but, then you may run into another problem, the it will not happen to me problem.
No, teens will not listen they’ll go threw therapy but continue doing it. The trick is embarrassing her. Tell her if you catch her doing it again you’ll talk to the victims and their parents. she will be scared and will not want you to do it