Problem with the boyfriend’s parents. Advice?


I’m 18, my boyfriend is 16. I’m completely independent, and he isn’t, obviously. His brother passed away recently and now his mother has him on a short leash, and basically treats him like crap for no reason. I’m not one-sided here either I can see that she must be going through a lot of emotional…

I went through this same thing with my parents. My brother was killed in a car accident and suddenly it was as if I either didn’t exist or could do nothing right.

There are 3 reasons I see his parents could be doing this.

1. They don’t want to lose another child so they are holding on to him tighter and keeping him inside at a time when drunks are on the road.

2. They truely are punishing him for his mistake.

3. They realize you are in college and are afraid their son may be holding you back.

Either way, I would do as the parents ask, have him home by midnight. On the days he can’t go out, take movies over to his place and order pizza. Ask mom if she needs help in the kitchen if you stay for dinner. Whatever you can do to show them that you are not going anywhere and that their son is safe. Eventually, they’ll let up. As for being near suicidal, make sure he doesn’t mention that around his parents if he is just being dramatic, because it will only make them worse. Unless he is being serious of course, but it sounds more like drama.
Best of luck, you sound like a very mature young lady! They are lucky to have you in their sons life.

Just take it easy. Theres nothing you can realy do in your situation. Their situation as well because the parents just lost a son. They are probably going to stay very strict afraid to lose another son if you no what i mean. You ar doing good by following all their rules and trying to talk things over with his mother…as far as the dance…becauuse he is still grounded and they are willing to let him go still…he should be home by 12am.. Just leave a little early…if you want his mom to trust you guys more its a small price to pay. Could be a lot worse…my lil bro is 16. My mom wouldnt even allow him to date an 18 yr old and as far as his curfew…he cant be out no llater than 10pm on any day of the week..

Therapy would be a good idea. His parents just lost their other son therefore they are goin’ to be protective over the one they have left.. They probably don’t mean anything by it and it’s nothing against you.. Therefore don’t let it effect your sleeping and eating habits.. It’s nothin’ personal.. It’s a personal thing that they are goin’ thru.. They will have to work on their grief… The only thing you can do is give them time..

well, i’d say that you should talk to his parents with your boyfriend there and try to obtain a compromise of some sort, while explaining that you understand the parents situation and where they’re coming from. They’ll be more likely to say yes with yourself and your boyfriend there, and if you explain their position, it will augment your argument, and they will be hard pressed to say no. If that approach doesn’t work, then ask them to let your boyfriend prove he is responsible, and can handle going out past midnight, and ask to put up parameters and consequences if he fails them. Hope you haven’t used these tactics yet, and I hope they help. 🙂

its sounds like there basically ok with you, they know you good, but i think it might be your bf that the parents don’t trust. try to help him obey them for awhile and make some visits on weekends to socialize with his parents all in all though sounds as if might just have to obey for awhile. id give it a month then the mother will let the leash loose heh

You’re in a tough position. It’s honestly something where he has to talk to her and let her know how he feels. If you get involved it’ll just cause problems. It may cause problems with you and her and then that’ll then make your relationship with him more difficult. Tell him that he needs to tell his mom that he feels that he is being treated unfairly. Now I know this is a difficult task, but he has to do it with respect and no tone of voice. Good luck!

he has to talk to them
scream if he must
he’s got to tell them he will not put up with them any longer
every teen does it at some point
it shocks them
and they realise
he needs to use the lines that hurts parents like
‘i don’t even feel like your son’
or
‘ you’re pushing me away’
something that’ll get to their hearts
he needs to them them know that this is his life
and he’ll live it the way he choses
he’s 16, he could leave at any time
he needs to stand up to them or he’ll never be free
and your relationship will be a misery
if he really wants to get to them get him to call his parents by their first names
that always hurts a bit

good luck xox

do you really want to date a 16 year old when you are a legal adult?

the just lost a kid, they are gonna be extra protective of the one they have left, give em a break.

I say you are too old for a 16 yr old. Find someone your own age.

you should break up with him. you have 2 diff mindsets

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