How do I deal with my daughter’s adoption?

Please excuse me if I sound very emotional because I am right now!

When I was 15 years old, I was coerced into giving up my baby son. I tried to search for him for decades and I found out that he was killed as a teenager in a car accident, somethinfg that I blame on his adoptive mother since she was…

Lady, you need some serious counseling. Let me clue you into reality: my best friend since the age of 4 had a piece of s*** mother. She had 3 kids and abused them on a daily basis, locking them into closets for days, starving them, beating them with belts, sticks, whatever she could find. One day, things went too far and she pushed my buddy’s older sister down a flight a stairs. Broke both her legs (mind you she was 9 at the time). So naturally, the kids were removed from custody. 2 years go by and this b**** decides she wants her kids back. Some bleeding heart idiot case worker makes that possible. Know how this ended? My buddy called my mother in a frantic at 11 at night. We rush over there just in time for this woman to throw my buddy’s brother out of a second story window, just 3 months after getting the kids back. Now, my buddy has one emotionally scarred sister, a dead brother, and he HATES all women. Does that sound like a mother that could be reformed? I’m sorry about your son, but you KNOW what you’re doing is wrong. You should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking this way. I don’t know why your daughter even WANTS you around HER DAUGHTER. You DON’T know the circumstances surrounding the adoption, so stop acting like you do. Some people DON’T WANT their kids. Yeah, I know incredible, but true. Keep it up and you won’t have a daughter anymore, not that you deserve her.

With the feelings that you have for your daughter and the child she has adopted, I would say yes, getting out of their lives is best for all concerned. None of this is that child’s fault and she shouldn’t have to be a part of such an environment to where she is not welcome by you. As for your daughter, it is not her fault what happen to you with your first child. I am sorry that it did and sorry that you were unable to reconnect. I was adopted at birth and I had a good adoption and no my mother was not forced to. But I am not going to bore you with the details that some adoptions are good.
You are against this. your daughter, an adult, is not and has done it. If you don’t think you can not make a peace with it, then I think you are better off with no contact. But think about what your doing. Do you want to lose another child? You might want to seek counseling for your anger.Given

Hey. I completely understand why you would be against adoption. However, i believe that it boils down to your son’s passing. If that would have never happened, you would probably still be for adoption or be less against it. Yes, many adoptions are situations where the child is taken away from the mother unwillingly. However, you must also consider that many children come from a horrible home to be placed into a better home. Without adoption, so many kids would still remain in a horrible household. My advice would be accept what happened to your son. You can’t change it as much as that hurts to realize that. You have to accept it so that YOU can move on with your life and be happy. You need to accept the fact that your daughter is adopting a child. This child probably came from a bad environment. It isn’t worth all this. You need to love that child like she is your daughter’s real child. She is a part of your family. If you want to disown your daughter, do it for a better reason. Seriously, this is stupid to break your family up over.

Please, continue your ignorant behavior! It will drive your daughter away, and neither she and her husband or their child- your grandchild- need you in their life.

You are not punishing anyone but yourself. If you truly were coerced, that is a terrible thing and I am sorry it happened. However, it can not be changed now. Not all mothers are coerced. That your son died in a car accident, allegedly at the hands of the drunk adoptive mother, is a terrible thing and I am sorry it happened. However, it can not be changed now. The majority of adopted children grow up to be as happy and healthy as their peers who remain with biological parents.

Your daughter has done nothing wrong. Your views are YOURS, not hers. She did the right thing by not including you in the adoption process if you are against it. The only thing I question is that she tries to bring the child around you. I would do everything I could to keep you away because you sound volatile!

You need to think about your motivations for taking this stance, so you care about the little girl and her birthmother? well guess what, you are hurting them both. You are hurting the little girl by not accepting her and by creating conflicts in her family. She deserves to grow up in a loving, secure family. You are also hurting her mom, because she probably loves her daughter and wants the best life for her and for her to grow up loved, happy, and healthy even if its not with her. It is what it is, you’re daughter and her husband are now this little girl’s parents and will need to do the best job possible raising her, you need to accept that. You need therapy, otherwise you will lose your daughter and miss out on watching your grandchildren grow up. Remember life isn’t promised, it isn’t good to be estranged with family for long periods of time. If your daughter gets in a car accident and dies tomorrow, will you be at peace with how your last conversation went?……yea, go get therapy, get your family back together. You are her mother and are supposed to be there for her no matter what.

I think it’s a wonderful thing your daughter is doing you should be very proud of her…obviously the girl they are adopting family must have some sort of problems and she is some what rescuing this child from probably a lifetime of s**t.

I do think people that adopt kids should give the child (when they are older and can understand) a choice to get in contact with there blood families in time….

Don’t mean to sound rude but I think you need to see someone in regards to your son….obviously this will have some sort of effect on you.

Good luck and god bless

I think you should love and respect your daughter no matter what she decided. I’m sorry about your whole story that your son was taken away from you and passed away, but your daughter needs you. She needs a mother and a grandmother for your new granddaughter. This is a blessing in disguise. Talk to her. You don’t know the story behind why this baby is not with its mother. In China I have heard you can only keep 2 kids per family and they prefer boys.Every Baby is a gift from God no matter the race.I love all children and they all deserve to be loved and taken care of. Good Luck.

The fact of the matter is, you cannot be forced or “coerced” into giving your child up for adoption. This is a choice that only the mother can make, and no one can make that decision for her. I’m sorry about your son, I truly am. But it is NOT fair for you to mourn his death in this manner. Your daughter needs your support, and she has done a great thing for that little baby she adopted. You clearly cannot make the assumption that they forced the woman to give them her child.

You are taking your own personal situation into play here, and that’s not right. You need to go seek professional help so you can mourn your sons death the right way, and be apart of your daughters life, and her kids. I feel very sorry for your daughter. A mother is the most important factor in your life, and you are actually robbing her of that. She is a 37 year old woman and does not need your permission to do anything. As her mother, you are supposed to be there for her and support her in any decision she makes regardless of if you agree with it or not. Please go talk to someone.

I would say you are a troll. Some parents NEED to have their kids taken permanently. It is not good for ‘rehabbed mom’ to show up 10 years later into the child’s life. Sorry, but a child deserves a consistent loving home, not some merry-go-round of mom rehabbing, mom relapsing, mom rehabbing, and so on. Kudos to your daughter. Do you know for 100% sure the girl had parents? if you were so concerned , you would have went to China with her.
OK – so you are not trolling. But a child is not property. I work social services, I see the messed up kids who go back time and time again to their ‘fixed now’ parents. A child has the right to stability and a normal, safe healthy life. This is above the rights of a parent owning their child like property. My husband is adopted. His adoptive mother took in many children, many kids were from homes were their parent repeatedly sexually abused the child. Really, so this parent should get many chances? Sex predators of children do not reform. These kids needed out of that home. Educate yourself.

I don’t agree with putting children up for adoption unless you have to for the better of your child, there are many children out there without loving parents just sitting in foster homes that would love to have adoptive parents that care about them. You had a very traumatic experience with putting your child up for adoption, unfortunately . If you think your daughter will make a great mother then you should definitely support her decision as she is saving that girls life and giving someone in need a real good chance at a healthy life.

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