She will lose her culture, her language, her identity, her children will lose their heritage. He will cheat on her because of English men infidelity habits, and she will be alone. Plus it is not approved in our culture nor white culture. What am I suppose to do just accept it? I cannot, I have logical reasons? why…
Because you are a racist.
Please let me know everyone in your family, that way I can be sure to exclude them from a job. It is only logical because of Indian laziness habits. I’m not a bigot though.
Because the things you are saying are racist and narrow minded.
Assuming all English men are the same is racist and generalising. Your assuming all English men cheat it’s just not true. Yes some English men cheat, but also there are plenty of English men who don’t cheat! You get some Men who cheat what ever nationality they are, even some Indian men cheat.
There is no reason why your daughter can’t keep her culture and identity. I dated an Indian man years ago and we both kept are identities.
Why is it not approved in your culture? We are all human beings. Some English people don;t approve of and some do everyone is different. I my self don’t have any problem with it. the most important thing is that this man is a good men, kind hearted, honest, trustworthy, loves you daughter, respects her and will take care of her etc.
You continually post these question and say some things about English people that I find upsetting and untrue.
I can’t help thinking you are thinking more about your self and instead of your daughters happiness.
Take some time to get to know this guy, you might be surprised.
She was brought up in England and your daughter can’t be blamed for choosing an Englishman. She is an adult and she has the right to choose her partner. If you were so particular, your daughter should not have been brought up in a different atmosphere. Yes, there are cheaters in every place and culture, but there are good people too.
What you can do is to have a talk with your daughter and her lover and tell your anxieties and also hear their part. Don’t impose anything. May be such a conversation can give you comfort. And also you can remind your daughter of some Indian traditions she can follow even if she lives in England. That way you can protect your own tradition as well. Finally let the choice be HER’s.
As a mother you are of course entitled to your opinion, but it should stay just that. I don’t think you should have the power nor inclination to prevent your daughter from wedding the man she loves.
As for your ridiculous statements on English infidelity habits, I assure you I have seen men of all races cheat on their wives and girl friends, and I and allot of the English men I know would never do something like that. It cannot be said that cheating on loved ones is part of the English culture because that simply isn’t true.
Do you think she will lose her cultural identity? I think not, I think she will always keep her background but simply add a new one too. Please don’t think your grandchildren will lose their heritage, the only way this will happen is if you alienate your daughter so much that she will no longer wish to see you.
Your reasons for not wanting this wedding do not seem logical, more the product of fear. Please do not watch Eastenders and think that it is a fair representation of how an English person lives. My advice is to look beyond this mans ethnicity and into his personality and I’m sure you will see he loves your daughter very much. If you keep telling your daughter to not marry this man you will lose her instead of him.
She will not lose any of these things and she will gain even more. The person she marries will not consume & assimilate her any more than he will be negated by marrying her. There is infidelity in all cultures and it’s awful but not everyone does it. It is unfair for you to pre-judge this man. If this many people, including your closest family, are telling you that you have racial motovations in regards to the couple you should search your heart. I don’t think you are a racist person but you are racist and more to the point, elitist on this particular issue. Your daughter is going to marry this man & be happy. If you would like to continue to be a part of her life i reccommend you get over this unreasonable line of thought & embrace this man with love. You could lose your daughter over this while she maintains a closness with her father. She is always going to need you but it’s up to you how close the two of you remain. You are unwittingly driving a wedge between the two of you. I know you don’t want that. You ask if you should accept this. The answer is resoundly “Yes”. You will find happiness in releasing your prejudices & unwarrented beliefs. So much of what you say here about what would happen is false. I don’t know how you came by the information but it is not based in truth or fact.
I pray & hope the best for you and your family.
It is racist because you have damned this man only for being a white Englishman. If he has faults, your concerns may be justified, but your only complaint so far seems to be that he is a white Englishman.
I would accept your concerns about marrying in to a different culture. Such marriages often seem to be troubled and you would probably be wise to discuss this with both of them.
You say you have logical reasons, but you have not given any here. Interracial marriages are more acceptable now than ever before. You cannot expect to live in a different country and yet still live exactly as you would in India.
You will not lose your daughter if she marries this man, but you might do if you treat her this way. Your daughter is a person in her own right, her world is not as your is. Trust your daughter.
You are going against history, if you attempt to freeze it you will fail. If the English man is unfaithful it is part of want is going to happen and you should not try to stop life from happening. Sometimes mixed marriages work out very well and they stay together for life, this is a better thing to be dwelling on during this time.
Lossing culture is not all lose, no person is without culture – mixed culture is still a culture in its own right. This mix is growing throughout the world as east meets west more and more. This is a new world that is happening now – lets take part in it not box it off.
Examine the details. Know the person with whom she wants to marry.Establish a good communication with his parents and other family members. Show you respect and care for them.
Not every marriage in western culture breaks. Warn your daughter to think 1000 times before taking a final decision. Emphasise western style ‘s character : “Time taken to decide to marry ,( in most cases I know,) is too much, than time taken to decide to divorce. Even lesser than Talaq , some times, !!”
Any trivial reason is enough to get divorced.
There is no sharing, no desire to adjust with each other once the diffrences are exposed.
In Indian scenrio, in case of divorce, the Girl has to suffer 1000 times more than husband. Apperantly, Western culture, offers more equality and honest ways to part away.Indian culture is too hypocratic to treat woment equally.
Do you guarantee that Indian Marriage would not break ?
Most importanatly, help her secure her assets and cash untill the marriage makes you all comfortable.
Enusre an emotional , financial and lively support to her decision.
It all depends on you all. If you plan with full understanding , you can avoid Bad points of both cultures and creat a new harmony , a new generation which can be really a Global Culture.
Think to cultivate your English Son in Law playing Holi and celebrating Deepawali with you all.And you all celebrating Haloween and christmas.
It will be wrong , as you have aksed, for the simple reason that if you can do it, but if you don’t realies it , a Golden chance of the Cultural Fusion will be wasted.
But if you find the guy as drunkard, gambler, hippy, and a liar. then you may be right.
But that’s possible even with Indian proposal.
So, test the Daamaad well before you decide, irrespctive of culture.
Don’t worry too much. Do your home work in a team spirit to assess the situation preciscely.
Hosh me raho.Khush Raho!
Wish your daughter a wonderful partner and Life Long Diwali !!
i do like your sweeping generalisation of all british men. you say you’ve allowed her freedom and given her morals and culture. now you must let her live her life according to those morals you’ve instilled in her. what if she marries this british man and is happy? there are no guarantees that if she goes through with an arranged marriage she’d be happy. unless of course your have more loyalty to your culture than you do your daughters happiness. arranged marriages are outdated. especially in the country you live. you dont have any legal right to force someone to marry someone else. you dont know the marriage will be a failure, and interracial marraige isnt wrong at all. i think you do mean to offend as if someone said the same derogatory things about indian men and the culture you’d be screaming racism. and dont bleat the old its a different culture you dont understand. cos common sense tells you if your forced to do something against your will then your not going to be happy. you shouldnt force her, threaten her or disown her. you should however be ashamed your trying to make your daughter unhappy.
IT’S WRONG BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!! Let her live her life, you live yours. Now drop this topic and move on. You are risking losing your whole relationship with your daughter over this stupid non-issue. Is that what you want? People are calling you a racist because that’s what you are acting like! Now STOP IT!!!! You have no way of knowing if this particular man will cheat on your daughter, and to assume that he will just because he’s white or english, well, how is that NOT racist? How dim are you anyway? You MUST stop this insane behavior, for the sake of your future relationship with your daughter, and your future grandchildren. Using the excuse that you were raised this way, or that it’s your culture, is only that- an excuse. You have a mind- change it!!
I dont think its racist at all. Its just the way most people stereotype british males. Its just when someone is truly happy its a rare thing and maybe your daughter is happy with this guy? Also there are bad and good people in all cultures so i would’nt “tar” all british men with the same brush if you get my meaning. I’m sure your daughter wont lose sense of her culture just because she’s married to an english man. Anyway if you accept her wishes and let her know you’re happy for her, i mean surely you want her to be happy?,if you do then i’m sure she’ll make sure you see and play a part in her the childrens lives and you being such a strong character she would’nt get the chance to forget her culture.hmm. i smile then, because i’m sure if you support her in her dicision she’ll be very grateful to you. She wont disrespect that!As for her language, its not very easy to lose your language sometimes it does’nt even happen. So please just accept your daughter’s decision as i’m sure she’s old enough to make up her own mind! Be happy for her, we all make mistakes, thats human nature, we just have to learn from them and improve right? Have a word with your daughter and good luck!