Wife meeting ex-boyfriend secretly?


My wife informed me recently that she has been meeting her ex-bf secretly in his apartment and also talking on the phone for the last 2-3 years. She swears nothing happened and she stopped seeing him after he tried to make a move on her. I had no clue about this until she told me herself. She says her ex was…

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The fact that she felt the need to conceal this much from you indicates that she still has feeling for her ex, and the fact that he nags her means that the feelings are reciprocated.

You need to sit down with your wife and have a serious talk: how far do the feelings between the two of them go? Have they been having sex, too? Why did she feel the need to keep this a secret? How often do they meet? Why can’t he solve things on his own? All of the questions that you’re asking yourself right now you need to ask her, and tell her that you expect truthful answers!

If she can’t give you these answers, then you need to realize that you don’t really have a solid marriage, and she may be incapable of committing fully to anyone.

That doesn’t sound right. If they were friends. She should have been able to tell you about it. However, because of the secrecy involved I would say there was more going on. You should confront her about this. That is not acceptable behavior from a wife and mother. Tell her its not OK and she needs to stop seeing him or she will lose you. Who is more important to her?

The only time my ex boyfriend called was when his wife was pregnant and he wasn’t getting any. BTW, I did not meet up with him. I think he exhausted his little black book (calling his ex girlfriends).

Is there a question there?

About her “swearing” that nothing happened….I wouldn’t buy that. How could she expect you to believe that when she was hiding the whole thing from you for so long? I’m sure over the course of 2-3 years she would have had to LIE to you about where she was….ergo…she is lying to you about not doing anything.

You can either take her back and move on or you can’t. That’s the only thing you need to figure out.

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This is really unacceptable. You really aren’t left with much choice but to assume she cheated. Certainly, she cheated in an emotional sense…and probably in a physical sense as well. If nothing happened, why hide it?

Tell her that you won’t be able to trust her for quite a long time again. Tell her it’s her job to be an open book and build that trust. I have a hunch that this is the beginning of the end of this marriage…possibly a good therapist could get to the bottom of this and help.

I’m sorry, that’s a really crappy situation to be in.

Part of me believes that when it comes to spouses, you have to forgive and forget things like this. If this was a high school relationship, it’d be over – but the fact that she came clean and apologized means she cares enough about you to not lie to you and wants to move forward with your relationship.

It’s hard to tell your spouse that you’re in contact with your ex. I talk to mine occasionally, and don’t always tell my spouse about it just because he gives me that eye roll that drives me insane. I’m not dishonest, and have never cheated on him… but the fact is that my ex is still my friend and I want to talk to him because he’s easy to talk to and knows me and my family really well. That could be her motive, talk to her and maybe even to him and find out.

Give her the same ideology, tell her how much you think it sucks, and talk to her about it. She’ll ask what you want her to do, and just tell you need some time to really think about how bad you really think it is. My personal advice would be to let it slide, and if it bothers you enough that you’re unable to confide in her, trust her, or be intimate with her then take it to a marriage counselor for a few sessions.

So basically, either you trust her and move on, or dig deeper and take the chance at really screwing up your relationship.

I guess if she came clean to you about it then you really don’t nothing to worry about .. I think if there was something really going on she wouldn’t have told you anything . But still the fact the she was seeing him in his apartment is still creepy . My advise is try to let her know that she can tell you anything without worrying and that you are here for her , because it is the only way you can make her trust you and keep nothing away from , but if you get to mad about this and have a fight with her , you can be sure she will never tell you anything ever again and will think that you are better off not knowing anything because you wont understand her and will just be mad at her .

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Maybe if you broke up with her, then you might be able to be the one who brings up the subject of getting back together. But if you can do it without, it would be much better. But how do you get someone back without seeming desperate? In order to get your ex girlfriend attention, you have to show value without telegraphing your interest in her, while at the same time initiating interaction. So don’t ignore your ex texts and calls when they break up with you. It screams that you are so devastated by the breakup that you can’t even handle talking to her. You want to respond to her, but do it in the right way. You can even initiate communication if you do it in the right way. You have to maintain a strong frame of confidence, and show your ex girlfriend that your happiness isn’t dependent on being with her

Because he made a move on her, it was her guilt that made her tell you. I know, because I was in a similar situation. If he hadn’t made any moves, she probably would have continued seeing him. Don’t believe that line about “I was helping him with his problems”. Meeting him at his apartment was just a recipe for disaster.

Forgive her, but lay down the law; she is not to see anyone, male or female, without you. It’s not like you are following her everywhere, even if she’s hanging out with friends, but you are rebuilding your trust in her now. She has to earn it, and you need to know where she is and who she’s with. Eventually, you will learn to trust her again, and she can go on her own.

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