“im very hurt by that, they won’t even help me pick out a dress that I do comprehend that they worry: ( I’m not asking for money or anything just their support!.)this is their situation: One just got divorce, one has been hurt by a few men, one is a single mom with 3 kids who’s boyfriend cheated on…
I think there are two different things here. One is your friends lack of support for you, which seems judgemental and almost demanding/manipulative of them. In an ideal world they might say ‘we don’t like your fiance, but respect your right to do what you want and we are going to be there with you’ – that seems to be the mature thing? Unfortunately, as human beings we are all capable of being stupid. So for me, I would be sad, but not despondant about it, disappointed, but not depressed. I would try to accept their failings as you would like them to accept yours.
Whether you get married or not, your business. No-one elses. Even if it proves not to be your cleverest moment. The only thing I would be aware of is that when other people don’t approve of our intentions, we sometimes do the opposite just to retain our autonomy. So if you don’t want to get married yet for your reasons and this just so happens to coincide with your judgemental friends who have different reasons, then don’t let your pride or sense of autonomy stop you from postponing it, if that is ‘your’ decision.
If you are only 21 and everyone is against this guy believe me there is good reason. It is unfortunate that you had a child together but don’t marry this guy! Is this the example you want to give your son? That it is acceptable to get drunk and assault people? Do you think he can really change? NO. That doesn’t mean he can’t have a good life eventually but not with your history. That will never go away. Don’t do it.
From what I can tell, you’ve got about 6 issues mixed in here. And most of them are irrelevant. For example, your friends obviously can’t pick decent men, but that doesn’t mean they might not be correct about your situation. Then, on top of that, it doesn’t matter they’re correct or not. It only matters if you are.
This could take days to type out, but the bottom line I see is for you to cancel your plans. Overall, I’d say run from this guy but if you choose not to, you’ve got to make him understand that you need to see a bit more proof that he’s truly getting his life on track. And this doesn’t come from promises – it comes from actions and it comes over time. Make this a condition of getting back with him.
If he doesn’t like it or pushes you, then you’re going to end up like your friends, and I think you already know this. If there’s any chance at all that he’s changing, he’ll see the wisdom of this and he’ll accept it. It’s actually a good test.
And then you make a vow to yourself that if at any point he regresses, you will do yourself a favor and bail out. You don’t have to tell him he’s on a short leash, but you need to think it, because he needs to be on one. And don’t diss therapy if some moron failed you. Therapists aren’t there to give you advice; they’re there to help you develop the tools to make your own good choices. Only you know if this would help, but stay strong and do not cheat yourself.
I think you should stop to consider why so many people don’t like him!
All of my family loves my fiance, I’d take it as a serious warning sign if they did not.
Maybe the fact that he’s been to jail, for assault no less. Don’t you think you deserve better than that? Whether or not he has hit you, there could always be a first time. If you have a child do you really want him/her growing up with this? You’re not setting yourself up for a good life.
Add to that if you have ambitions of travelling, having a criminal record makes it difficult to cross the border into certain countries.
Sweetheart, the best thing you could do for yourself and your child is to postpone this wedding until your intended has been clean and sober for at least a year. You have no guarantees that this guy will clean his act up. If you don’t want to be married to a guy who has an alcohol problem, then don’t marry this guy until he no longer has an alcohol problem.
Second thing, for the sake of your child, get with a counselor or therapist to try to work on the issues of why you feel you need to marry a guy who has these kinds of problems. From my reading of your situation, you need to understand that you are better off staying single, working on your education and job prospects and caring for your child, than trying to “fix” a problem guy. Please go get counseling. You need help understanding what your best options for life are.
You should wait a little longer!! You are doubting yourself and asking us what we think. Your friends and parents are there to support you and don’t want you to make a decision that you may end up regretting. If he loves you, he will stick around until you are ready!! You are still young, no need to rush into anything.
If it was just your friends that didnt like him then I would say go through with the wedding and forget about those friends. BUT if your own father does like him and your mother doesnt like him DONT MARRY THIS MAN! They love you. They are your parents. So if your parents and your friends dont like this man, then no they arent acting jealous. They are concerned for you and your safety. Marriage should not be entered into lightly. So do not marry this man. BAD decision!
Even back when I was just going through my divorce, I would not have ever been jealous or envious of someone who was engaged to a man who was known to be violent and had spent time in jail.
Trust me, these women don’t wish they were you.
They are allowed to not like him. It doesn’t seem like even you really *like* him – is he really the best you can do?
your friends just care about you. and if your having doubts you should listen to those doubts. if no buddy likes him there’s a reason . and having a husband who is a convicted felon is really going to hold you back. it is going to be hard for him to work . people will think less of you and him. its up to you to provide the best atmosphere for your child.
you deserve better then what you are getting.
i think you should move on
Why are you asking this question AGAIN? Several people already answered you in the prior question. It is not your first time posting.